We thank all of our supporters and audiences in the US and in Edinburgh for being part of this theatrical success!
You can still be part of our future international theatre adventures!
Click “make it possible” and be part of the team!
Or send us an email and inquire about signed souvenir posters and programs that we will make available to our generous supporters.
You can still be part of our future international theatre adventures!
Click “make it possible” and be part of the team!
Or send us an email and inquire about signed souvenir posters and programs that we will make available to our generous supporters.
DALLAS
The fact that you’ve never seen Casablanca explains so much about you, Baltimore.
BALTIMORE
Wait, she and Laszlo get on the plane? Did you just totally give away the ending?
AUSTIN
It’s not like I told you Rosebud is the sled.
BALTIMORE
What?
AUSTIN
Never mind.
BALTIMORE turns off the television.
BALTIMORE turns off the television.
AUSTIN
“Casablanca” is a classic.
DALLAS
Baltimore considers “Sixteen Candles” a classic.
BALTIMORE
Molly Ringwald did some of her most definitive work in the eighties! ...I defy you to name
a movie that defines teen angst better than “The Breakfast Club”.
a movie that defines teen angst better than “The Breakfast Club”.
DALLAS
Movie, or Film?
BALTIMORE
There’s a difference?
AUSTIN
“To Sir with Love”.
BALTIMORE
Huh?
AUSTIN
Sidney Poitier. Lulu...
BALTIMORE looks at her and shrugs.
BALTIMORE looks at her and shrugs.
AUSTIN
Never mind.
DALLAS
Films don’t have titles like “Pretty in Pink”. There’s a cliche. Why can’t you be pretty in a
color other than pink?
color other than pink?
AUSTIN
Alliteration. You wouldn’t say pretty in maroon or-
DALLAS
Pretty in purple, why couldn’t she be pretty in purple?
AUSTIN
Is anybody pretty in purple?
BALTIMORE
So what happens? Do Ilsa and Lazlo make it to America?
AUSTIN
Sure. They move to Darien, Connecticut and have 2.5 kids.
DALLAS
--And a white picket fence.
AUSTIN
--And they open a bar. Call it Laszlo’s Place. Hire a Black piano player.
BALTIMORE
Speaking of which.
AUSTIN
A Black piano player?
BALTIMORE
A bar. What’s your poison? Vodka or vodka?
DALLAS
I’m going to go with the vodka, thanks.
BALTIMORE goes to the cabinet.
BALTIMORE goes to the cabinet.
BALTIMORE
Smirnoff. Absolut. Absolut Pepper. Grey Goose. Stolichnaya. Findlandia. Popov. Or
Absolut Citron?
Absolut Citron?
DALLAS
I don’t usually drink before five...unless it’s a Bloody Mary at Neiman Marcus with my
Mother in law on a Sunday afternoon.
Mother in law on a Sunday afternoon.
AUSTIN
We have tomato juice.
DALLAS
Stoli works for me.
(SHE looks at the array of bottles.)
God, there’s a lot of vodka here.
AUSTIN
A potpourri.
BALTIMORE
A hodgepodge.
AUSTIN BALTIMORE
A cornucopia. A cornucopia.
AUSTIN BALTIMORE
A cornucopia. A cornucopia.
DALLAS
Tabasco sauce?
AUSTIN
Kitchen.
DALLAS exits.
DALLAS exits.
BALTIMORE
I’m starving.
AUSTIN
I have thirty-two varieties of beef in a box.
BALTIMORE
Do you ever cook for yourself?
AUSTIN
Do you?
BALTIMORE
No. That’s why I date men who can cook.
AUSTIN
Because why do it yourself when--
BALTIMORE
Men can do it for you.
AUSTIN
Men can do it for you.
BALTIMORE
The third commandment in Mom’s biblical philosophy.
AUSTIN
Sandwiched in between Marry for love and Divorce for money.
BALTIMORE
And name your children after the cities in which they’re born. Dallas is in trouble.
AUSTIN
Why?
BALTIMORE
She’ll have to name her kid Philadelphia.
